OneNote - The Beginning

This month I tried using Microsoft OneNote in my classroom. I've been eager to try it for over a year, but finally jumped in and did it. I was originally going to try it out with a small group of students. Another student overheard and asked to try it too. I took that as a sign to go ahead and launch it with the group.

My regular double block students LOVE using OneNote. It took a bit for them to become comfortable with using it. We still have some kinks to work out, but overall I can see the value in this particular program.

When we return from Winter break, I plan to try to utilize OneNote on a more regular basis. I'm thankful my kids are willing to "try" new technology related things with me. They seem eager to try and are always more than willing to share their opinions with me. Here's a sample of one of my student's bellringer journals. They beg me to continue to do the bellringers on the computer. The sad part is that they are slow typers, but they welcome the practice.

We tried another activity digitally instead of on paper. My students were working on combining sentences using a comma and a conjunction. Instead of running it all off on paper and having the students complete it one paper, they were able to manipulate the sentences using OneNote. 

Things I like about using OneNote:

• Automatically saves changes.
• I only create one master and push it out to the student's notebooks.
• They are learning how to use technology.
• They look forward to using it.
• I like being able to have all of the information in one location for the students. 
• I save time on making copies! 

I look forward to learning how to incorporate this into my classroom on a more frequent basis. 

** The sentence activity is by Jessica Osborne and can be found here on teachers pay teachers.
** The bellringer activity is by The SuperHERO Teacher and can be found here on teachers pay teachers.

Dialogue Journals - Launching

On the day that I launched dialogue journals with my students it was different than I imagined. I've selected once class to do this with. They were given about 25 minutes to read, write, and respond to me. This was the quietest my classroom has ever been. They were working so hard and actually writing without complaining. I am quite eager to see how they respond to this. It's interesting to see what they come up with and how they choose to respond to my short letter. My hope for the dialogue journals is that it will grow my students as writers. Some of my kids went ahead and personalized their journals.

Something I've noticed about the dialogue journals is that many of the kids really enjoy them. They begin to tell you things that you wouldn't normally get to know about them. One kid shared that he didn't really know how to use commas, but tried to use one in a sentence.

"My other ELA teacher's never taught me how to use comma's so I tried to use one last sentence." 

I was able to pinpoint when he used commas well and show him how to use them in his writing. It was nice because the journals opened the door for that dialogue with my student. Also, he was able to say that he tried something in a place that was not threatening.

My students beg me to write in their dialogue journals. It's been a bit rocky trying to find a routine for answering them. We've sort of worked out a system. The students know when their journals are in the basket, that it is filled out and waiting on them. When they've responded, they return their journals to my answering bag. I try to answer a few at a time instead of trying to answer them all at once. That was kind of a mistake when I tried to do that. I couldn't keep up and they begged me to fill them out. My instructional coach and I worked through a process to keep the momentum going. So far it seems to be working well.

Dialogue Journals the beginning

My instructional coach and I were talking last week about trying out dialogue journals with one of my classes. I think she knows I'm one of those people who will try something out, even if it doesn't work. Which is ironic because I don't consider myself much of a risk taker. So we talked about the basics of the dialogue journal. She emailed me the link and I had the opportunity to read more in depth about them. If you are interested in reading it, here's the link.

After reading through this, I desired to connect with my students. Right now I feel so out of sorts with my classes. The interruption of the hurricane has had a drastic impact on my ability to feel like I'm connecting with my students. My coach suggested that I start with a small class, but I decided to start with my chatty double block class. That class is super chatty and I initially thought they would be my tough bunch. I'll be honest, I can tell that they are my most interactive class. They are my largest class, but I think they will be my group to get into the journals.

As of now, I'm setting out to locate some notebooks for the kids. They've already provided their school supplies, so I don't feel as though I can ask for more. I need to create my questionnaire to get to know my kids and have something to write about. I'm excited to have the opportunity to connect with them this way. I hope this will be a way to encourage them to become more confident writers.

In the trenches... Part 1

It's hard to sum up into words how it feels to be in the trenches. There are moments you feel surrounded by all the battles and you are looking for hope. I'll be honest at this point in the school year, I feel as though I'm in the trenches. It's a different kind of trenches, but I'm there.

School started with a bang to say the least. There were lots of smiles. It was great to see former students and meet the new ones. There was a solar eclipse on the first day of school. It doesn't get any more exciting than that. The teachers enjoyed the event despite the craziness and buzzing of the first day of school. On Thursday evening of the first week, we were told that there would be no school on Friday due to the hurricane that would be coming in. I remember leaving school that day with my "cart of work" planning to get caught up on my work and finalize some plans. Friday morning was the calm before the storm. I remember looking south of where I live and seeing the large, black cloudy sky waiting to downpour. My husband is a planner, and provisions had already been acquired. It was no big deal. We were going to get some rain. So my husband and I hunkered down. We filled bath tubs and water pitchers preparing for a loss of power. This was not our first hurricane. This was, however, my first hurricane to stay for.

Friday evening and everything changed.... Hurricane Harvey morphed into a beast of a hurricane. It was now expected to hit land at a Cat 4.... not a tropical storm. My husband and I became concerned. The gut feeling said to leave town, and leave now. The hurricane was set to hit Corpus Christi. Which is still far away from us, but the storm size was big. Being a Texas resident, I've learned the term "dirty side". We were going to be on the dirty side of the storm. So in haste, my husband and I packed up and headed North. We didn't go to the West because they would receive rain from the storm bands as well. It wasn't smart to head that way. We packed quickly only bringing what we felt like were necessities. The night before, we walked through our home and took a video. We didn't think much of it, but figured it may be a good idea. Before walking out the door, we began cleaning out the fridge and freezer. I literally cried when we threw away all the food. My husband and planned several meals to put up in the freezer as backup meals when I was too tired to cook. The beginning of school always seems to wear me down as I work to get back into the groove.  We took the trash out into the garage and jumped into the car to evacuate. 

Evacuating and being out of your home and comfort zone is always difficult. It is hard to find yourself in such disarray. I found that during our time it was full of the hurry up and wait feelings. Every time we turned around, the news was showing the hurricane and the devastation and flooding had caused. It was horrible. It got to where we just couldn't even bring ourselves to watch tv anymore. We didn't want to see another news broadcast showing people trapped in their homes, rescued by strangers, etc... While we were gone, we found out a high school friend of mine lived just a few houses down. He was able to go look at our home and confirm that we did in fact have flooding. That the car that was left behind still had water in it. After knowing the facts, we begin our plan of action. 

We set out to gather supplies and prepare for the worst. We knew that many people would be in the same boat as we were and would be in need of the supplies. Utility knives, sprayers, shopvac, fans, etc... The baskets filled up quickly. The grocery store was our last stop before making the trek back home to the unknown. 

About six and a half hours later we stepped foot into our flooded home and began to survey the damage. 

A Bittersweet Ending

The halls are clear at the end of another school year. This is the end of my first school year at Seabrook Intermediate. It has been quite a roller coaster of a year. Change is inevitable and can be most difficult, especially to the reluctant. Several months ago, I didn't think I would survive the school year. I am happy to say I survived and live to tell the tale another day. This past year of change was so difficult and brought lots of tears. It was hard to leave my home school of 11 years and enter into a new family. Seabrook has embraced me into their school and into their lives. It's not the same as my old school, but I don't think it's meant to be. I'm not the same teacher as the one who's place I took. Thankfully we are resilient and able to adapt. The SIS family adapted and welcomed me into their family atmosphere.

That type of atmosphere is one that drew me to the school. After that soggy interview over a year ago, I knew that I'd like to work at this school. They cared about who I was as a person, not just my credentials. That speaks volumes to me. My previous school was my family and knew who I was on good days and bad days. They loved me even when I may be "difficult" at times. I was not really sure that the new school would embrace me the same. One of my previous co-workers reassured me often that they'd see the real me. I'm thankful that they did.

Boy, I remember the job fair a year ago. I felt like a small fish in a LARGE pond. I watched as they tossed resumes into their boxes. Lots of smiling, 2 minute sells pitch, and the overwhelming feeling of realizing how tough it would be to get a job in this competitive district.
God is a big God. Thankfully, He goes before us in all things. He provided this job for me. I'm so thankful that I was blessed with this opportunity. I know that without Him, it wouldn't have been possible.

My year was tough! I was a new teacher in a seasoned teacher's body. I had experience, yet I felt wet behind the ears all over again. It was frustrating. Lots of tears... lots of tears this year. I made it until about February before my tough class finally broke me. After that, I felt as though I was limping along until the finish line. Determined to finish strong. Some positive things happened in that "breaking" moment. Some of my kids finally softened their tough exteriors. They saw me as a real person and allowed me to see the real person they were. The desks are piled up and things are put away as the room is prepped for cleaning over the summer. It feels empty and full all at the same time. So many memories happened in that room over the last school year. I hope that it provided a place for my students to feel safe and successful. I hope that I was able to leave them better than when they came to me. All I can do is hope that the good Lord took the seeds I planted and will be able to water them and grow these kiddos.

Waving good-bye to the students on the buses yesterday was a sigh of relief. Relief of survival. A break from the stress, the problems, the challenges, etc... Our afternoon meeting held some laughter and ended with tears. The principal announced that he was retiring this year. Not the conversation that we expected to have! Since I've experienced this type of thing when one of my previous principals retired, I knew that it meant a mix of emotions. Sadness that he is leaving his legacy behind. Happiness that he is pursuing other options in his life. Anger that he has to be replaced. Frustration that there is no control over who will come into the school. Oh it paralleled to Mr. Holland's Opus. I kept thinking about how the generations of students and parents showed up to show him how much he impacted their lives. I saw this today with my principal. He is leaving behind a 24 year legacy in this community. That's a lot of lives impacted, cared for, educated, etc... He is leaving behind a legacy that will continue to have an impact in the school as well as the community. Saying goodbye today was a tough thing. How do you say goodbye to the man that saw the best in each of us? I know that it isn't the same for me as it is for my co-workers. I've only had the privilege of one year as part of his legacy. However, he saw fit to hire a girl from Louisiana and give me a chance. He saw who I am as a person and felt that I had something to bring to the school. I'm forever grateful for that chance. All I can hope is that I didn't disappoint.

Emotions are all over the place for me this week. I'm pensive and reflective as I wrap up this past school year. I feel so strung out emotionally. I'm so excited as we prepare to close on a house and start laying down some roots here. I'm tired from the stress of school. I'm decompressing from the stress of the last year of change. I'm thankful for my new friends and family here. It doesn't happen quickly, but it is worth it when you build those relationships. I can already feel my stress level decreasing as I release all that I've been carrying this past year. I will have some decompress time before I begin getting rested and geared up for the next school year. This is the cycle I live in. 

-A tired teacher signing out for this school year. 

Even if.... My hope is in You!

Mountains are beautiful. We step back, observe them, and there's a sort of splendor about them. The time it took for them to be created. The reason they are in the location that they are in. How things around them seem to grow and add to the beauty of the mountain scene. Taking pictures of landscapes and nature is one of my favorites. *I didn't take this picture, just for the record. Anyway, I think about how when we are not climbing the mountain our perspective is so much different. It's so easy to look at things with a good spirit and happy heart/mind, when you aren't struggling up the mountain. 

I've been looking for words, images, perspective over the past week. Last week at the doctor, I was told that I would have to see a fertility specialist if we hoped to conceive our own child. My ovaries are not ovulating. Immediately I felt broken, downtrodden, and even a bit of worthlessness. I should be able to "have my own kids". I should be able to "do it". Those of you who know the full depth of my story from being single to getting married, can sit back and smile because you've seen God's hand in all of it. I also can look back and count my many blessings. Things happened they way they were supposed to. Things happened for a reason. God's timing isn't my timing. All of those sayings ring true. They are meaningful. After hearing the words fertility specialist.... it is almost as if I didn't really hear anything else. I know some of you may be sitting here shaking your head with me. They didn't tell me it was hopeless, they didn't tell me I couldn't conceive, they didn't tell me I had to have a hysterectomy and wouldn't be able to conceive.... I feel like the list can go on and on. 

I wallowed and drowned a bit in my thoughts and emotions. There are positives and negatives in not being a "fast" processor. When it comes to stuff like this, I feel like it takes me a LONG time to figure it out. So we know that God goes before us on many things. Sometimes we don't always see it or feel it, but we can look back later and see that He did. God went before me on this one. We haven't started trying yet, we were just getting things in order to begin trying for a family. God went before me and saved me heartache and disappointment in not being able to conceive. I can see that. I acknowledge that. I was told that my blood sugar was normal, which means I didn't have diabetes. That's great! Especially since it runs in my family. I can see the blessing there. My thyroid was functioning properly. Again, it was great news! I feel like I see blessings in it, but I now see the big mountain in the way. Part of the mountain was put there by me. I'm not in control. God has gone before me trying to break me down from that too. I feel like that's going to be the thing He works on me for a LONG time, not being in control. Our sermon the week before I found out was spot on and perfect timing. God's perfect timing, of course. It parallels with the lyrics to the Mercy Me song Even If. 

Even If - Mercy Me

They say sometimes you win some

Sometimes you lose some

And right now, right now I'm losing bad

I've stood on this stage night after night

Reminding the broken it'll be alright

But right now, oh right now I just can't

It's easy to sing

When there's nothing to bring me down

But what will I say

When I'm held to the flame

Like I am right now

I know You're able and I know You can

Save through the fire with Your mighty hand

But even if You don't

My hope is You alone

They say it only takes a little faith

To move a mountain

Well good thing

A little faith is all I have, right now

But God, when You choose

To leave mountains unmovable

Oh give me the strength to be able to sing

It is well with my soul

I know You're able and I know You can

Save through the fire with Your mighty hand

But even if You don't

My hope is You alone

I know the sorrow, and I know the hurt

Would all go away if You'd just say the word

But even if You don't

My hope is You alone

You've been faithful, You've been good

All of my days

Jesus, I will cling to You

Come what may

‘Cause I know You're able

I know You can

I know You're able and I know You can

Save through the fire with Your mighty hand

But even if You don't

My hope is You alone

I know the sorrow, I know the hurt

Would all go away if You'd just say the word

But even if You don't

My hope is You alone

It is well with my soul

It is well, it is well with my soul

The parts of the lyrics in bold have really spoken to me in all of this. God goes before us in all things. He works everything out for His plan according to His design. That's so hard to wrap my human finite mind around sometimes. We pray for healing from the pain and for Him to take it away. Sometimes that's not the answer He wants to give us. Sometimes He doesn't move the mountain. He can, He will, but even if He doesn't. I want to be able to sing "It is well with my soul." Gosh the tears stream down my face every time I try to bring myself to sing those words. Am I ready to really say it is well? The selfish part of me says no! I'm just being honest and transparent. God can allow us to conceive, but He may choose not to let us. Can I sit here and say it is well with my soul if He doesn't move this mountain? 

I feel like that's the question that resonates. Sometimes God teaches us a lesson in being willing to trust Him no matter what the outcome is. He may not continue to leave the mountain in our way, but He wants us to be able to follow Him and put our whole trust in Him, not in ourselves. It's so hard! I feel like we are trying to climb the mountain that's right in the way of the path. We can't go around it and pretend it's not there. There is no bypassing this mountain. I think back to all the "little" mounds/mountains that God put in my path before this one. The testing that was meant to "get me in shape for this climb". I laugh sometimes because I can see how "small" those other mountains seemed to be. As we grow in the Christian faith, I feel like there are times the mountains just keep getting bigger and bigger. It is all for His glory! My sweet husband reminds me of this on a regular basis. If we are blessed with a baby, it will be on God's time and He WILL get the glory! At the end of the day, the glory is His. Sometimes it feels like if we'd acknowledge this sooner, than maybe we can sprint up the mountain. Unfortunately, I don't think it works that way. I would think that the sooner we accept and relinquish control, the easier it is to breathe as we "pace ourselves" up the mountain. Clearly I'm not a mountain climber and may have butchered this metaphor, but I feel like I get the premise of being able to breath (yay Cardio). 

I don't want to feel like a victim in this testing phase of my life. Oh but it's so easy to wallow and drown in the muck. I sometimes have a hard time telling if something is an attack, or just an opportunity from the Lord for growth. Maybe they kind of go hand in hand at times. God's been breaking me down quite a bit over the last couple of years. I never knew how much growing would take place after getting married. The stripping down of the past, the hurts, the walls that were built up, the apathetic mentality. God has blasted most of that away quickly. lol I can laugh now, because it's not my "current" source of growing pains. I remember telling my husband on multiple occasions that I was so tired of growing. That growing was painful! Well it still is, but it doesn't kill us. Some growth strips us down to the point that we question is He really there. 

God's been faithful in my life. He's there, all the time. Even when it feels like He's not there, He is. I feel like I've been growing a lot in my faith and relationship with the Lord. I guess that's what made me question if it was a spiritual attack or not. I think part of it is. I do believe that God is teaching me through this mountain trek. I read a devotional that said God is the God of the valleys, just like He's the God of the mountains. He's God through all of it! That's a promise to hold on to. My prayer is that I don't get in the way of this mountain and diminish God's glory. I don't want my selfish nature to get into the way. I don't want to have control of it. That's personal growth for me to say! I'm sure my husband would smile after seeing that sentence. I don't want this to hinder my ministry, but to grow it instead. I want God to be able to use this trail for me to minister to others. That means that I have to be focused in the right way. Trusting that He is in control. Trusting that He has my best interest at heart. Someone mentioned that if He loved us enough to sacrifice Himself on the cross and die in the place of our sins, why would He not be there in this trail? I think I forget to come to him with a reverent spirit. Remembering what He's done on the cross for me. The life that He allows me to live, should be bringing glory to Him. It's not about me, it's about God. When the perspective is put into place, you begin to realize what's really important. This is another opportunity for God to "show off". If He so chooses to do that. If He chooses not to move the mountain, I want to be able to say with my whole heart that "It is well with my soul". If He chooses not to allow us to conceive but to adopt instead, I want to be able to say that "it is well with my soul" and all the glory belongs to Him. 

Crying out to the Lord

It's not my normal first reaction to cry out to the Lord when things go wrong. I fret, panic and wallow in my emotions. I get bogged down and feel as though I'm drowning in my emotions. The enemy wins that way. He wins that way... every time. Until I finally reach the point of understanding, stop and realize what's really happening. The enemy wins when I fail to call out to God. He wins when I wallow in my own emotions and get so bogged down. Ouch! That's a stinging truth there. There are going to be hard times. There are going to be times that we should fall on our faces and cry out to the Lord. There are times when we don't and "deal" with it ourselves. I use that term loosely. For me, it's not that I usually "deal" with it. It seems as though I bury it instead. 

One of my friends told me she appreciated how emotionally raw I was. Being raw is painful and uncomfortable. It's hard to be transparent... especially when things are not all sunshine and rainbows. It's hard to open up your heart and share your emotions and deepest thoughts about things, especially when all you want to do is deal with them bury them.  

Today I missed my mom terribly. I wanted nothing more than to call her and talk to her about all the emotional stuff I was feeling. I don't know that she would have spoken the words that I needed to hear, but I sure felt like I needed her. I had an appointment with the OBGYN today. I got off birth control in January in attempts to see if I was having a normal cycle on my own. At some point in the past I was told I had PCOS, which makes ovulating difficult. So I've lived for quite sometime thinking I had this. It didn't really become a reality until today.... when I was sent to go have lab work done to test my "levels". Five vials of blood later and a week of waiting. Then the results were in. It wasn't what I wanted to hear, but it wasn't as bad as it could have been. 

Who is really in control?

I'm pretty sure I'm the worst blogger, ever. I have good intentions of blogging on a regular basis, but then by the end of the day I'm tired. School's been kicking my butt lately. The kids have been wearing me down. I feel like a fort with weakened defenses. I'm not in control.... I'm not in control... I'm not in control. I feel like my bucket is empty. I've been pouring out everything I can on the kids. They've been taking from me emotionally what I don't have to give them. My mind is constantly swimming with the what ifs of teaching life. I'm weary..... I'm worn..... I have a couple of students who are constantly in combative mode with me. It's so hard to "fight" them. I feel like a brand new teacher.... again. It feels wrong to feel that way. Like why do I feel so new after 12 years of experience? I should have all of this down right? My Humanities coach reminds me on a regular basis that when you move schools, you are a new teacher. I've been so overwhelmed with my job that I feel like it's spilling out everywhere in all the emotional areas of my life. It's funny how you can seem to have it all together, but feel like you are all out of sorts underneath it all. I do have a good handle on most things, but I FEEL like I don't. I'm sure most of it is unnecessary pressure that I place upon myself. Those of you who know me, can attest to this statement. I have unrealistic expectations for myself! My former youth pastor used to remind me on a regular basis that "All you can do is all you can do, and all you can do is good enough."

Why do I fight this so much? Why do I feel like I'm not doing a "good enough" job? My administration seems happy with my performance. My coach gives me the pat on the back telling me I'm doing a good job. My students seem to be getting some wealth of knowledge from me. Even if it is learning to say yes ma'am and stop arguing.... I'm tired.... I feel so unsure footed all of the time... I'm not in control. Really the last line is the root of it all. I AM NOT IN CONTROL!  As a teacher who "thrives" on feeling like I'm in control, it's so humbling and crushing to feel like you aren't. To recognize that in the big scheme of life, I'm not the one in control. I think about the song from Natalie Grant... "When did I forget that You've always been the King of the World?" God is in control. If I'm not "giving" Him control, He will find a way to remind me that He is. It's almost comical at the insanity of trying to be in control. My husband reminds me on a frequent basis that I'm really not in control. I don't run the show.... God really has the whole thing taken care of.

At times I feel like my emotional cup is full and threatening to spill over at any moment. One more drop of liquid and it will all come splashing over the sides. Earlier on in my marriage my husband used this visual picture to help me to realize the importance of the emptying of the emotional cup. Not to let it get so full that one more drop will cause the overflow. Blogging/Journaling is my chance to sort through my thoughts. I don't process fast enough. I don't let things go fast enough. I stew and simmer on them until I feel like I've dealt with or sorted through the issues. This of course has it's advantages and disadvantages. It's good to have time of reflection and sorting. Unfortunately, I haven't actually been sorting through and emptying my emotional cup. I don't want to journal. I don't want to "deal" with what's going on. I can handle it.... I'm in control. Then I'm reminded again... that I'm not. I'm reminded that God is. I am super thankful that He is and can do a much better job than I ever could. Boy it's so hard to die to self and the sinful nature. I never realize how bad my "need" for control was such a sin. It's a pride thing... I've got this, I can do this, etc...  Pride..... I didn't really think this was an area of struggle for me. Not that I didn't have prideful moments... usually those ended rather terribly, so I tried to avoid pride. Thinking I'm in control and relying on my own strength for me is a sin. It's me saying I don't need to depend on God. How dumb is that?! I think after all these years, I'd realize my need to depend on Him for everything. I wonder if it's part of the sinful nature. I notice that when I'm supposed to depend on my husband, I struggle. If he suggests I do something my immediate reaction is that I don't want to be told what to do! Ack! When did I become that person? That's the part of marriage that I don't think people really prepare you for. God breaking you down and showing you... the woman... that you aren't in control. Ouch! That stings a bit when it's verbalized. My husband even has a degree of authority that I don't.

I've been overwhelmed with so much of the social media stuff that I've been reading lately. Honestly, it makes me want to take a break from Facebook. I understand where women are coming from in regards to having equality etc... I get the message. I hear what is being said. Then I have to step back from the world and take a look at what the bible tells us. God's design for marriage was that the man is the head, the leader. He is the one to bear the struggles and burdens of provision and making sure that he's leading the family in a Godly way. Now that I'm married, I get just how important that role is. I also see how much I don't want it! I'm not meant to be in the position. I'm not meant to bear that burden by myself. I do my part to help my husband bear that burden, but it's not my burden to bear. God has another position of leadership for me, to manage my home. Management is a tough role to play as well. It requires much from me as a woman. I have to die to self on a regular basis. I have to fight my sinful nature to be in control of it all. (See the common theme popping up here... control... and who really has it). God gives us a spouse as a helpmate. Help means that you don't do it all alone... you are not the only one responsible. You can't do it by yourself! Ack! The very words that sting me to the core. I can't do it by myself. I have to see help. I can't control every situation. I'm not in control. I'm not in control. God is in control of it all! Thankfully He is in control of it all and I'm not.