End of week 1
At the end of this first week of school, the lyrics to a Hillary Scott song keep coming to my mind. I think these last few weeks of preparation for school has finally put me over the edge. My heart is sad to be away from my school family and spending the time developing a new family. It's so strange to start over.... my new school family is great. They are all super nice and have brought me into the family with open arms. As I was getting ready to leave school today, I was so worn down and weary. I was lonesome for my school family, my familiarity, my comfort zone.
I can hear the words now "I'm so confused. I know I heard you loud and clear. So, I followed through. Somehow I ended up here. I don't wanna think. I may never understand. That my broken heart is a part of your plan. When I try to pray. All I've got is hurt and these four words: Thy will be done - Thy will be done - Thy will be done. I know you're good. But this don't feel good right now. And I know you think. Of things I could never think about. It's hard to count it all joy. Distracted by the noise. Just trying to make sense. Of all your promises. Sometimes I gotta stop. Remember that you're God. And I am not. So - Thy will be done - Thy will be done - Thy will be done. Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is: Thy will be done - Thy will be done - Thy will. I know you see me. I know you hear me, Lord
Your plans are for me. Goodness you have in store."
My heart is broken.... it is sad and lonely. Change is hard. Moving is hard. Starting over is hard. Finding new friends is hard. Waiting on the Lord is hard. It's been a great deal of things that have just plain been hard. I feel like my mind is swirling with emotions. I'm so torn and I feel as though I'm mourning my former family.
Beginning of Week 3
I tried to blog at the end of week 1. I started, but couldn't make myself finish. I planned to blog at the end of week 2, but I was so emotionally worn out. Thankfully the Lord restores our soul. Here I am sitting at my desk waiting to begin week 3 at my new school. So I know many of my friends have wanted to know how it's been going, what's different about this new school, etc... I'll do my best to give you a decent summary.
Week 1: This was the most difficult week I have had. I think all of the impact of moving and leaving home FINALLY hit me hard! It was so different starting school without my "family". I didn't realize how much I would miss the familiarity and friendships. I was homesick this week and it was heartbreaking. I had a conversation with my new JaJa (grandmother) about it that first Friday afternoon. I honestly don't view her as a grandmother figure, but more like a mother figure. She just takes us all in and nurtures us. I attended bible study this week. Oh my soul NEEDED the time together and this new family to fellowship together in God's word. I left that Friday feeling very run down and defeated. My husband sat with me over the weekend and helped me find my confidence again. He gave me some insight that helped me figure out this new "way" of teaching and how to make it work for me. I was ready for the next week!
Week 2: I came in ready to rock and roll! We went 90 to nothing all week. I think the theme of my Pre-AP class is "we're going to run out of time!" They laugh at me when I say it, but I'm pretty sure I said it every single day this week. I finally got my teaching groove back and stopped wallowing in the muck. It was hard to "get over myself," but I knew it was necessary. I gained a new walking buddy. It has been so good to spend a bit of time each day getting some exercise in. I tried to leave at a decent time this week. This having students until 4 pm is tough! I'm really having to adjust to the schedule. Of course I'm a creature of habit and change is hard for me. I began to learn my classes and their personalities. I have some super amazing kids, and I have some that will keep me on my toes all year. I know it's like this every year. I have a couple of wonderful walking buddies. We walk each day during our conference (planning) period. It has been good to get some purposeful exercise and building friendships. It's just interesting how I'm trying to learn to "fit in" with this new family. I ended this week without a tear in my eye, but eager to have a 3 day weekend. Jacob and I spent a good amount of time "resting" over the weekend. We are working on being purposeful with our rest.
Week 3: As you read above, I sat down and started writing again at the beginning of week 3. Needless to say I didn't make it that far. I got paid this week, which was pretty amazing. I had my first parent conference this week. It went rather well and I was very thankful for that. Open house was Thursday of this week. It went so much better than I expected. I know it's not my first open house ever, but it was my first one here. The parents were super nice and welcomed me to Texas. It was a neat moment.
Week 4: I figured I needed to make a point to stop and blog now. I can't add new things until I wrap this post up. It's been a super busy week. Our school participates in Rachel's Challenge (Rachel Scott from Columbine school shooting). We had an assembly about that on Monday. I can't believe it was so "long" ago. I was a senior in high school. So we've been trying to work on technology this week. *insert headdesk here* It was a challenging week with one of my classes. It just reminded me how much they still need to know. It was my own fault for assuming they had more tech knowledge than they did. I think my classroom is really differentiated for the first time. It is like the students are all working on the assignment in a way that's comfortable for them at their own pace. It is so weird to "step back" and get out of the way. This particular lesson is the first real "differentiated" lesson I've had. I'm looking forward to becoming more comfortable with this type of teaching. Everyone working at their own pace. My kids are AMAZED that I can type without looking. I keep reminding them that I took a class to learn to do that. I used my "text a friend" option to get the website for free typing skills. I added that to my it's learning (website). The kids were pumped about it.
I guess that's my overall view. I've had great days, mediocre days, and awful days. I've had homesick days, days I feel like I fit in, and days that I'm just kind of here. I'm thankful though. Change is hard... no one EVER said it'd be easy. My husband said to me at the beginning of all of this when I got my job at Seabrook that these kids needed me. I'm starting to feel the truth in that statement. They are starting to seem more comfortable with me. I hear the sounds of them in the hallway coming back from lunch. I'm closing this one out for now.
