A Bittersweet Ending

The halls are clear at the end of another school year. This is the end of my first school year at Seabrook Intermediate. It has been quite a roller coaster of a year. Change is inevitable and can be most difficult, especially to the reluctant. Several months ago, I didn't think I would survive the school year. I am happy to say I survived and live to tell the tale another day. This past year of change was so difficult and brought lots of tears. It was hard to leave my home school of 11 years and enter into a new family. Seabrook has embraced me into their school and into their lives. It's not the same as my old school, but I don't think it's meant to be. I'm not the same teacher as the one who's place I took. Thankfully we are resilient and able to adapt. The SIS family adapted and welcomed me into their family atmosphere.

That type of atmosphere is one that drew me to the school. After that soggy interview over a year ago, I knew that I'd like to work at this school. They cared about who I was as a person, not just my credentials. That speaks volumes to me. My previous school was my family and knew who I was on good days and bad days. They loved me even when I may be "difficult" at times. I was not really sure that the new school would embrace me the same. One of my previous co-workers reassured me often that they'd see the real me. I'm thankful that they did.

Boy, I remember the job fair a year ago. I felt like a small fish in a LARGE pond. I watched as they tossed resumes into their boxes. Lots of smiling, 2 minute sells pitch, and the overwhelming feeling of realizing how tough it would be to get a job in this competitive district.
God is a big God. Thankfully, He goes before us in all things. He provided this job for me. I'm so thankful that I was blessed with this opportunity. I know that without Him, it wouldn't have been possible.

My year was tough! I was a new teacher in a seasoned teacher's body. I had experience, yet I felt wet behind the ears all over again. It was frustrating. Lots of tears... lots of tears this year. I made it until about February before my tough class finally broke me. After that, I felt as though I was limping along until the finish line. Determined to finish strong. Some positive things happened in that "breaking" moment. Some of my kids finally softened their tough exteriors. They saw me as a real person and allowed me to see the real person they were. The desks are piled up and things are put away as the room is prepped for cleaning over the summer. It feels empty and full all at the same time. So many memories happened in that room over the last school year. I hope that it provided a place for my students to feel safe and successful. I hope that I was able to leave them better than when they came to me. All I can do is hope that the good Lord took the seeds I planted and will be able to water them and grow these kiddos.

Waving good-bye to the students on the buses yesterday was a sigh of relief. Relief of survival. A break from the stress, the problems, the challenges, etc... Our afternoon meeting held some laughter and ended with tears. The principal announced that he was retiring this year. Not the conversation that we expected to have! Since I've experienced this type of thing when one of my previous principals retired, I knew that it meant a mix of emotions. Sadness that he is leaving his legacy behind. Happiness that he is pursuing other options in his life. Anger that he has to be replaced. Frustration that there is no control over who will come into the school. Oh it paralleled to Mr. Holland's Opus. I kept thinking about how the generations of students and parents showed up to show him how much he impacted their lives. I saw this today with my principal. He is leaving behind a 24 year legacy in this community. That's a lot of lives impacted, cared for, educated, etc... He is leaving behind a legacy that will continue to have an impact in the school as well as the community. Saying goodbye today was a tough thing. How do you say goodbye to the man that saw the best in each of us? I know that it isn't the same for me as it is for my co-workers. I've only had the privilege of one year as part of his legacy. However, he saw fit to hire a girl from Louisiana and give me a chance. He saw who I am as a person and felt that I had something to bring to the school. I'm forever grateful for that chance. All I can hope is that I didn't disappoint.

Emotions are all over the place for me this week. I'm pensive and reflective as I wrap up this past school year. I feel so strung out emotionally. I'm so excited as we prepare to close on a house and start laying down some roots here. I'm tired from the stress of school. I'm decompressing from the stress of the last year of change. I'm thankful for my new friends and family here. It doesn't happen quickly, but it is worth it when you build those relationships. I can already feel my stress level decreasing as I release all that I've been carrying this past year. I will have some decompress time before I begin getting rested and geared up for the next school year. This is the cycle I live in. 

-A tired teacher signing out for this school year.